The gang fail their San-Check while reading
the dread Necronomicon in the local library.

Four local high school students and their dog single-handedly thwarted a plot by a charitable society to raise an alien god from the dead and plunge the world into darkness.

According to local police, the teen sleuths called for assistance yesterday at around 3:00 AM from the municipal docks. When the police arrived, they found the four of them, and their dog, by a scarred, battered private yacht. Four well-known philanthropists from the Hermetic Order of the Silver Twilight (HOST), including founder Carl Stanford, were there as well, tied up and under citizen's arrest.

The teens explained that they had not only saved the world from Mr. Stanford and his cronies - now mostly deceased - but solved the recent museum burglary, as well as several missing persons reports and unsolved murders that have plagued local authorities for the past few years. They charged HOST with all these crimes, committed in the group's mad scheme to raise the sunken island of R'lyeh, awaken Great Cthulhu, and usher in an age of darkness.

"They told a pretty screwy tale, I have to admit," local police spokesman said: "But these kids have always been reliable witnesses when it comes to spooky goings-on. And darned if they weren't right about everything else, right up to the high rate of suicide hotline calls and those weird, offshore earthquakes we had earlier in the evening."

Over the protests of Carl Stanford, the four teens told their story, with occasional help from the dog. Things got a little wavy for a moment as they began their tale, but local police claim that this "weird flashback kinda thing," happens "all the time."

The teen sleuths' leader claimed that they became suspicious after the robbery of the so-called Marcher Fragment, last Wednesday, from the local museum. The curator, Dr. Percival Pavis Peewiddle, explained that the solid gold artifact was taken "right under our noses," in spite of a very expensive security system he'd purchased just for the fragment. Local police were "baffled" by the affair.

The foursome, and the dog, learned about the case the same way they learn about most of them: reading the newspaper at the local burger restaurant.

"We thought it was highly strange that the security system had been so easily bypassed," their leader said: "So we thought we should go check it out."

They found odd tire tracks outside the rear of the museum that didn't match any of the other cars there. By a "stroke of luck," they matched those tracks with the tires on a HOST van, parked outside HOST's local charity outreach mission.

They tried to get into the mission to search for more clues, but were rudely turned away by Carl Stanford, himself. However, on the way out they discovered, via a local register, that Dr. Peewiddle was a long-time member of HOST.

Following a "hunch," they tailed Dr. Peewiddle for two days, and discovered that he was spending a lot of time both at the local library and the municipal docks. At the docks, he was helping a lot of "suspicious-looking immigrants" work on a small number of long-distance yachts. They seemed to be preparing for a substantial trip, but the four kids couldn't get too close, even with the assistance of their dog.

In the library, however, the kids struck gold; They discovered that Dr. Peewiddle was spending a lot of time in the special collection, where unique and ancient books are kept separate from the main stacks. They did a little more sleuthing, and discovered what books he was looking at.

And one night, they spent an evening researching in those books - most notably the ill-starred and blasphemous Necronomicon, which "really brought it all together," according to the ditzy one.

The Necronomicon, written by "a kooky old arab guy" back in 730 CE, reportedly tells the true story of man's relationship with strange, elder races and beings from beyond our dimension, and understanding. It tells of Great Cthulhu, who "lies dreaming" in his sunken city-island of R'yleh, and would one day awaken to bring about the End Times for man.

It is also a very difficult read, having sent any number of authors, translators and readers into insane asylums, early graves or suicide.

"Shaggy went a little weird just looking at the pictures, but we brought him around with a Scooby Snack, same as always," the leader added.

The teens' researches indicated that the Marcher Fragment was the third part of an ancient, solid gold artifact known as the R'elyh Disc: an object with the power to raise the sunken island of R'lyih. The other two parts had been stolen from other museums, years ago.

"We realized that the time of the Great Old Ones must be right, which was why they waited to steal the third piece until now," the smart one explained when asked why HOST hadn't grabbed the last piece back then.

Having read more than enough, the gang broke into HOST's local mission, only to discover that the building was deserted. They searched the basement for further clues, but only found piles of decomposing bodies - victims of the abhorrent rituals that the cult carried out in the worship of their dark god.

"I, like, threw up everything since last week, man," the beatnik admitted, eliciting a burst of canned laughter from somewhere.

That left only the municipal docks, which the teens quickly sped to, next. Once there, they snuck on board one of the yachts they couldn't get to earlier, and secreted themselves on board.

"There were all these crazy people on board who didn't speak English or anything," the ditzy one said: "We hid in empty oil drums and listened to them go on about all this nutty stuff, but then we heard Carl Stanford. And he seemed like he knew what was going on."

The boats sped to some distance offshore, fighting high waves all the while. The beatnik threw up again, but then the boats stopped.

"We looked out of our hiding places, and saw that we were docked at R'lyeh," the leader stated: "I can't really describe what it was like, and I'll admit we were all really freaked out. But there was fire coming from the top of it, and a lot of screaming and dancing, so we followed the noise up to the party."

Once they got up there, they saw hundreds of people dancing and shouting in front of a dark tomb. Dr. Peewiddle was leading everyone there in an unintelligible chant, and Stanford was standing at a podium, with the completed R'lYeh Disc in front of him.

The gang got there just in time to witness the cyclopean doors of the tomb opening, and for the first time in aeons (or 1925, if you believe the worthless scrawls of hack writer H.P. Lovecraft) Great Cthulhu strode the earth.

"I mean, it was, like, wow," the beatnik claimed: "It was just like out of that book. Six million feet tall, dark dark green, with a head like a big, ugly octopus. And, like, wings! Oh man

"It squeezed out of its tomb like toothpaste out of a tube, reared up and, like, started eating all the people there like they were, like, popcorn. It even ate poor old Dr. Peewiddle, too. Zoiks!"

The foursome realized that they were in dire peril if they stayed much longer. But they realized they could still whip up a trap to catch Stanford and stop the ritual, with a little help from their canine companion.

"It wasn't easy," their leader admitted: "We had to give him a whole box of Scooby Snacks to get him to steal the golden disc from right under Stanford's nose. But he did it. That's our Scoob."

According to the teens, the dog used a combination of grotesque seaweed and strange, deep-water crustaceans to impersonate a cultist's costume. He then danced right by the podium, tossed a crab right into Stanford's face, and tried to snatch the disc away while Stanford was pulling the crab's claw off his nose.

Unfortunately, the disc was solid gold; The dog had to roll it away, instead of carry it, as planned.

"Rit was reavy," the dog claimed.

Stanford and his henchmen chased the dog, and the disc, through the dark, non-Euclidean streets of R'lyeh. After a few weird twists and turns, the dog led them back to the yacht, where the four teens were waiting, with a heavy fishing net. They caught the four men, and immediately turned the boat back for shore.

"In the background, we could hear mighty Cthulhu screaming in rage, or at least as close to rage as its alien mind can come," the smart one said: "It went away, back to its tomb, and the island shook and crumbled back into the sea. Before long there was nothing to mark its ever having been there at all.",

"I wish I'd brought my camera," the ditzy one added, to yet another burst of canned laughter from somewhere.

After their capture of the ones responsible for this mess, the intrepid foursome and their Scooby Snack-stuffed dog made their way back to shore at top speed. They alerted the police once they arrived there.

Following the startling denouement, and yet another wavy "flashback," the police arrested Carl Stanford and his three surviving henchmen.

Stanford remained defiant in defeat: "We would have raised Great Cthulhu and brought about the end times, too, if it hadn't been for those meddling kids and their dog," he said while being led away.

They face charges of grand theft, multiple homicide, geological malfeasance, improper congress with an ancient, powerful and maddening alien god and hosting an illegal rave party.